Is Your Spouse Secretly Planning to Leave You?

5_1396So I seldom (read never) get a press release that’s interesting enough to reproduce nearly in its entirety, but I thought this one was worth it. From a guy named Mort Fertel.  No comment on the name.

What do you think? Do you agree or disagree? I’ve never been married, so I think I’m not allowed to opine. Though people who’ve never had kids feel free to weigh on on mine………

Is Your Spouse Secretly Planning to Leave You?
The 4 Scenarios that can Destroy Your Marriage without You Noticing

It’s rare that a couple agrees to split up. In most cases, one person is miserable and thinking “I’m done” while their spouse is oblivious to the coming crisis.

“So many people are shocked when they’re served with papers, discover an affair, or their spouse moves out,” says Mort Fertel, Founder of the Marriage Fitness Program. “Most people don’t see it coming. They thought everything was fine. They couldn’t imagine that this would happen to them.”

But it does happen. It happens all the time, particularly in certain marital situations.

Fertel, who conducted a 10 year study based on thousands of participants in his Marriage Fitness program, identified 4 types of relationships that frequently result in one spouse checking-out and the other getting blindsided.

  1. The Zero Conflict Relationship. If you claim, “We never fight”—beware. That’s not good. Your spouse is probably a people-pleaser, willing to agree to anything to avoid conflict. But capitulating repeatedly builds irrepressible resentment. There’s conflict in every marriage. If it’s not in the open, then it’s bottled up inside your spouse. For years there could be a mirage of peace, but eventually your spouse will erupt and you’ll be flung into a marital crisis.
  2. The Sex-Starved Marriage. You can try to justify why you stopped having sex or why it’s infrequent or rote. Your spouse may cope and hope for a while, but if they have a strong sex drive or an active imagination, they’re going to lose patience with you. If your sex life is not exciting, look out.
  3. The Perfect Partnership. The business of running a family is a challenge. There are bills to be paid, kids to raise, and chores galore. But just because the house runs smoothly doesn’t mean it’s a fulfilling home. The goal of marriage is not efficiency; it’s intimacy. And too often people who were soul mates lose each other and become roommates. If you’re focused on work or children and lost your connection with your spouse your perfect partnership is due to blow up.
  4. Verbal Venom. As a child you learned “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.” Turns out that’s not true. Words hurt—a lot. And a person will only endure so much. If you spew verbal assaults at your spouse, if you criticize, curse, and complain, and if you’re good at all that, eventually your spouse will say… “Enough!” Then you’ll be screaming, but you’ll be alone.
November 19, 2014

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Author: Marla Jo Fisher

Marla Jo Fisher is the Frumpy Middle-age Mom and the Deals Diva columnist for the Orange County Register, where she tries to be funny and save you money. Web:

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